GIRL: I hate my boyfriend!
BOY: Why?
GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that?
BOY: Of course not, I'm not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break up with him.
BOY: Ok but know I'm available.
[Girl stands to leave]
BOY: Wait, where are you going?
Monday 30 December 2013
It's Me
Jonathan met with the Queen of England.
He asked her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips u can give to me? I want to help Nigeria."
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Jonathan frowned, and then asked,"But how do i know the people around me are really intelligent?"
He asked her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips u can give to me? I want to help Nigeria."
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Jonathan frowned, and then asked,"But how do i know the people around me are really intelligent?"
Why I hate My Boyfriend
GIRL: I hate my boyfriend!
BOY: Why?
GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that?
BOY: Of course not, I'm not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break up with him.
BOY: Ok but know I'm available.
BOY: Why?
GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that?
BOY: Of course not, I'm not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break up with him.
BOY: Ok but know I'm available.
Job Application
Dear Sir,
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant.
Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying.
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant.
Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying.
Top 10 Akpos Joke
Girl: I’m warning you, my Mummy is coming back soon..
AKPORS: But I’m not doing anything..
Girl: That’s why I’m warning you, Hurry up
CASHIER: This is the 5th movie ticket you’ve bought tonight Sir, Why?..
AKPORS: Yes, that idiot at the entrance keeps tearing it
TEACHER: What’s your favorite flower?..
AKPORS: But I’m not doing anything..
Girl: That’s why I’m warning you, Hurry up
CASHIER: This is the 5th movie ticket you’ve bought tonight Sir, Why?..
AKPORS: Yes, that idiot at the entrance keeps tearing it
TEACHER: What’s your favorite flower?..
Tuesday 17 December 2013
I can walk
Akpos was on his way to school when he alighted at station he was supposed to take taxi to the school
AKPOS: How much is the fare to the campus?
DRIVER: Two Cedis.
AKPOS: What about my load?
DRIVER: I will take no money for that.
AKPOS: Then take my load to the school I can walk.
AKPOS: How much is the fare to the campus?
DRIVER: Two Cedis.
AKPOS: What about my load?
DRIVER: I will take no money for that.
AKPOS: Then take my load to the school I can walk.
Future Reference
The kids refused to come together to take a class picture for their year book at a primary school.
The teacher, trying to cajole them said, "we should all take this picture so that when you're all rich and famous you can point at each other in the yearbook and say, Look! There's Dan, his a big lawyer! And there's Samuel, he's the president!"
Akpos laughed and said, "And there's the teacher, she's dead!"
The teacher, trying to cajole them said, "we should all take this picture so that when you're all rich and famous you can point at each other in the yearbook and say, Look! There's Dan, his a big lawyer! And there's Samuel, he's the president!"
Akpos laughed and said, "And there's the teacher, she's dead!"
Everytime i clap
Barack Obama at a recent elementary school assembly in East Texas, was talking to the pupils about gun violence. Everywhere was quiet has the president spoke.
He wanted to show the pupils how terrible the gun violence in the country had gotten so he started to clap his hands slowly once every few seconds, Then he said into the microphone,
"Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence."
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said
''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!"
He wanted to show the pupils how terrible the gun violence in the country had gotten so he started to clap his hands slowly once every few seconds, Then he said into the microphone,
"Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence."
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said
''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!"
Monday 16 December 2013
Exam Promise
Akpos read from cover to cover preparing for his entrance examination. His father came to his room and saw him reading.
FATHER: Akpos, make sure you pass that exam otherwise just forget that I'm your father!
AKPOS: Sure thing dad, I'm bound to bring smiles to your face.
5 HOURS LATER...
FATHER: So my son, how was your exam? I'm sure u passed it excellently...
AKPOS: Sorry excuse me, do I know you?
FATHER: Akpos, make sure you pass that exam otherwise just forget that I'm your father!
AKPOS: Sure thing dad, I'm bound to bring smiles to your face.
5 HOURS LATER...
FATHER: So my son, how was your exam? I'm sure u passed it excellently...
AKPOS: Sorry excuse me, do I know you?
Bed Time
After a serious disagreement, the husband said to the wife at bed time
HUSBAND: Good night mother of three.
WIFE: Good night father of none!
HUSBAND: Good night mother of three.
WIFE: Good night father of none!
It's Me
Jonathan met with the Queen of England.
He asked her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips u can give to me? I want to help Nigeria."
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Jonathan frowned, and then asked,"But how do i know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen replied, "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you?"
David Cameron walked into the room and said,"Yes, your majesty?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer this riddle. David, your mother and father have a child, it is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a minute David Cameron answered, "that would be me."
"Yes, very good," said the Queen.
Jonathan went back home to ask his Vice President Sambo.
JONATHAN: Answer this. Your mother and your father have a child, it's not your brother and it's not your sister, who is it?
SAMBO: "I'm not sure, let me get back to you."
He asked all his staff in the Office but none could give him an answer. Finally, one day, VP Sambo ran into Dora Akunyili. Sambo asked, Dora,
SAMBO: Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or sister, who is it?"
Dora answered sharply, "That's easy, its me!" Sambo smiled,and said "Thanks!"
Then he went back to speak with President Jonathan.
Sambo: Sir, I have the answer to that riddle, It's Dora Akunyili!
Jonathan got angry,he said to Sambo. "No wonder Nigeria isn't moving forward, I am surrounded by Dummies! The answer is David Cameron!"
WHO IS MORE INTELLIGENT?
He asked her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips u can give to me? I want to help Nigeria."
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Jonathan frowned, and then asked,"But how do i know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen replied, "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you?"
David Cameron walked into the room and said,"Yes, your majesty?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer this riddle. David, your mother and father have a child, it is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a minute David Cameron answered, "that would be me."
"Yes, very good," said the Queen.
Jonathan went back home to ask his Vice President Sambo.
JONATHAN: Answer this. Your mother and your father have a child, it's not your brother and it's not your sister, who is it?
SAMBO: "I'm not sure, let me get back to you."
He asked all his staff in the Office but none could give him an answer. Finally, one day, VP Sambo ran into Dora Akunyili. Sambo asked, Dora,
SAMBO: Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or sister, who is it?"
Dora answered sharply, "That's easy, its me!" Sambo smiled,and said "Thanks!"
Then he went back to speak with President Jonathan.
Sambo: Sir, I have the answer to that riddle, It's Dora Akunyili!
Jonathan got angry,he said to Sambo. "No wonder Nigeria isn't moving forward, I am surrounded by Dummies! The answer is David Cameron!"
WHO IS MORE INTELLIGENT?
Job Application
Dear Sir,
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant.
Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying.
Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary as proof of vacancy.
You can't swerve me this time. Give me the job.
Thank you,
Yours Truly,
Kweku Boateng.
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant.
Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying.
Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary as proof of vacancy.
You can't swerve me this time. Give me the job.
Thank you,
Yours Truly,
Kweku Boateng.
Jealous Husband
HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.
Another day
HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye
The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?
SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.
Another day
HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye
The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?
SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.
Very Bad News
Omondi, goes into a doctor's office. The doctor, a Mr Golongo says,
"Oh, Mr. Omondi! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?"
Omondi, shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first."
"Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies.
"Oh, Mr. Omondi! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?"
Omondi, shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first."
"Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies.
Paying the hospital bill
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
Uncertified Prostitute
The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper.
The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.
A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?"
The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.
A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)