Ready For Sex

Akpos patronises a prostitute. This is the conversation that ensued between them:

PROSTITUTE: Hi honey. Are you ready to have sex?

AKPOS: Yes. But If only you can f**k me the way my wife does.

PROSTITUTE: Yes na! How does she do it?

AKPOS: She does it for FREE!

How Many Girls

WIFE: Sweety, how many girls did you date before you met me?

AKPOS: (quiet)

WIFE: (5 minutes later) Sweety, I asked you a question!

AKPOS: Will you just keep quiet and let me count!

Akpos Opinions On Cartoons

How do we expect our kids to be good, when they watch bad cartoons like the ones below:

Ben 10 can change into 10 demons.

Tarzan is always half naked.

Tom & Jerry are always fighting.

Cinderella comes back home at midnight.

Pinocchio lies all the time.

Aladdin is the king of thieves.

Batman drives at 320km/h.

Sleeping beauty is a lazy girl.

Rapunzel allows men to climb in her window and

Snow white is living with 7 guys.

Come on, really, how do we expect these kids to be any good?

Tattooed Penis

Akpos, after convincing Judith that he was good in bed, finally got her to his room for demonstration.

While he took off his clothes, tattooed on his arm was REEBOK, on his chest PUMA and on his back D&G.

She thought that was sexy, but when he took off his boxers on his penis was AIDS.

Judith, suddenly apprehensive, declined the demonstration. Then Akpos said to her, "Relax babe, when it's erect, it reads ADIDAS."

Cold As Ever

Akpos and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

AKPOS  yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Expensive Girlfriend

AKPOS: Hi girl
GIRL: Yes, how can I help you?
AKPOS: I want you to be my girlfriend.
GIRL: Do you work in a bank?
AKPOS: No.
GIRL: Do you earn salary?
AKPOS: No.
GIRL: Do you have an apartment?
AKPOS: No.
GIRL: Do you have a range rover?
AKPOS: No.
GIRL: Then, there no way on earth I'll be your girlfriend.
AKPOS: But, what do I need an apartment for when I have a duplex in lekki? What do I need a range rover for when I have a porche, two ferraris, and a bugatti? Why do I need a salary when I'm the owner of two multi million dollar companies?
GIRL: Ok, I'm ready to be your girlfriend
AKPOS: No, not a chance!

Hello Baby

(Phone rings)

AKPOS: Hello baby.

GIRLFRIEND: Hey, can you please deposit 500 bucks for me? I want to go out to the mall with my friends!

AKPOS: Do you think you should be going out in your condition baby?

GIRLFRIEND: What condition?

AKPOS: Unemployed and Broke?

GIRLFRIEND: (hangs up)